Revisiting the "Classics": Beach House

Beach House

RL Stine (Scholastic 1992)

Synopsis:
It's 1956 and four kids are hanging out on the beach. Little do they know that a killer has begun to stalk them, one by one. Now, on the same golden sands nearly 40 years later, Ashley, Ross, Lucy and Kip are enjoying the same beach. Until history starts to repeat itself.

My memories:
I would have been in year four, I think. I can remember there being some sort of weird plot twist that I didn't see coming. But I also remember this as my favourite RL Stine book - why? It's the only title I can remember, I think it scared me a little and it came out before Goosebumps became bigger than Susan Boyle. I remember very little so it shall be interesting to see how it reads seventeen years later.

Beach House Commentary:

• My first wince was over the description of a character with " dramatic brown eyes". How do eyes become dramatic, do they have tantrums and storm out of their eye sockets? Beginning to regret this. Apparently Maria's dramatic eyes match her dramatic looks, sigh.
• Page six and I can remember what happens in the book. (I can't remember my left from my right but I can remember the plot of a Stine book 17 years on?)
• A rotisserie chicken has more character development than these characters. Would it kill the man to use 'strange' instead of 'weird' in every description of Buddy.
• LOL Comparison made between studly guy and Matt Dillion. That really doesn't fly anymore, mentally swapping Matt for Zefron. OMG Vanilla Ice comparison made, someone stop him already!
• "I've always wanted a house with wings" must stop laughing.
• Ashley is lusting after a guy that scares her. See there was a precursor to Twilight! And Buddy's wearing blood on his shirt. It's still wet, he uses the old 'cutting myself making a sandwich' excuse. Yep, that'll fool them every time in 1956.
• Okay let me get this straight - Buddy has blood on him, Stuart is found dead in the immediate vicinity of Buddy's house, Stuart humiliated Buddy and no one thinks he's even a suspect? People in 1956 are stupid.
• "Boogie boards can't spring leaks, you dork", apparently plots can though!
• "In his shy way, he's coming onto me." Excuse me while I hurl.
• They went to a Chevy Chase movie tee hee.
• Okay I am sorry, but even a murderous teenager time travelling from present to 1956 would know who Elvis Presley is.
• "No one lives here, everyone dies here" whahahahaha. OMG this is dumb.
• Maria's back as the crazy housekeeper, Mary complete with scars and wild eyes. She's getting her revenge. She even knows all the techno mumbo jumbo about the house. It's a way station, built on a time warp. Well I guess we know what the Lost writers read when they were younger.

In a nutshell:
If a sixteen year old with a tendency to be serious, loses his brother when exploring house, he will most likely come across a house that's built on a time warp allowing himself to travel back to 1956. Once there he will get depantsed (yes, depantsed) which will trigger a murderous rampage of teens in 1956.

Moral to this story, don't depants people.